about self expression and identity (11/08/2026)

When looking at what my siblings are up to, I feel as I don't get to deserve being my own person. Everything I do is then absorbed into what my siblings do, whether it's my older sister or my younger brother, and it bothers me immensely.

I believe it has taken me so long (and plenty of self-esteem demeaning bullying) to build myself and my identity, yet it's hurtful when your siblings nitpick your own interests to then practice it themselves. I talked about this to some of my friends, and even if I did get the "I'm sorry, I hope they grow out of it" answer, the other answer I got is "Wouldn't you be proud?" I'm not. I'm definitely not.

My sister picked up on drawing and playing the drums, while my brother has picked up on my music taste,on playing my favorite games, on CD collecting and burning, on drawing MY OWN OCs. Which might be not a big deal to others, but a big deal to me. Because, my whole life is catered towards my interests, and seeing a kid and a grown ass adult acting the cheap version of who you took time to build is hurtful. What's even left for me to do? My parents won't acknowledge it either. And then they tell me "you wanted a skateboard/drum set so much, but now that you have it you won't use it, so how much of a big deal it seriously is if someone else uses it?" It's a big deal because you're not listening to me and to what I want. I don't actually mind if my brother does the same thing as me, but can you acknowledge it was ME who brought it into the house in the first place? it's always like this. praising my brother or my sister for things I did too, but they did not care about. I can never deserve something in their eyes. I'm barely holding on, okay? Give me a break.

Also, I actually never asked for a full on drum set. I asked for lessons, so I would actually discover if I liked it or not. Yet you chickened out of it saying that we didn't have enough money for it. Which I get, don't get me wrong, but first it was "we need to support your sister in uni", then "you do nothing to deserve it." Do what exactly? Live up to your terrible standards which I'll never meet because I have a disability you won't acknowledge? And I get 'not hiding behind a label', but you keep ignoring it, so please, let me live. Or at least acknowledge that I'm someone before my siblings.

I was originally gonna name this "imagine being on a quest to develop your self-identity but your biggest enemy is a 10yo" but this isn't only about my brother. I'm pissed about this, I had to let it out. And you, little brother of mine, I know you will be reading this, whether it's through a translator or something. Please find your own things to do. Leave Avril Lavigne to me and the whole "revenge" mentality you have, because I can't get something *I* liked first with you getting something else I again liked first because of revenge. Stop coming to my website altogether.